How one rider rediscovered her confidence one small change at a time.
"One foot in the stirrup, feeling anxious as hell"
That’s what one of my clients posted on Instagram. She’d reached the point where she’d had enough and wanted to start loving riding like she used to again.
Every riding day started the same. She’d wake up feeling anxious, and that anxiety would build the closer it got to getting on her horse. It was a feeling that got stronger and didn’t really go away.
She’d ridden for years, but after a fall, everything changed. She lost confidence, and the anxiety grew louder. It started as she got ready to leave the house, then driving to the yard, tacking up and walking into the school.
By the time she put one foot in the stirrup, the nerves were there every single time and she’d lost the enjoyment she used to feel.
Then we started working together.
We started nowhere near her horse.
We started together, just us.
We didn't start where you might expect...
We talked about where her life was at, how she wanted to feel when she rode and what she wanted to get back. We acknowledged the reason she’d come to coaching, but we didn’t spend an hour talking about nerves or anxiety, or the fall. We recognised what had brought her there and then we moved forwards.
The other thing we didn’t do was try to fix everything at once.
We’ve all seen the influencers who tell us that if we want to feel happier, calmer and more confident we need to get up at 4am, journal, meditate, eat perfectly, exercise every day and get ten hours’ sleep etc etc, the list goes on!
But for most of us, life isn’t like that. We’ve got work, school runs, summer holidays, horses to sort out, domestic admin and all the other things that come with everyday life. Trying to squeeze even more into an already busy day is likely to make life more overwhelming than less.
So we didn’t. We didn’t start by throwing everything at it. We didn’t start by trying to change her horse.
We started with one small change. It was something she enjoyed doing, something that fitted into her life and something she knew she could stick to.
Now she can't wait for her next ride!
Over the weeks that followed, those small changes started to build. She wasn’t feeling as anxious anymore. She started looking forward to riding again and enjoying it like she used to.
Today, every conversation starts in a very different place.
She can’t wait to tell me what’s happened since we last spoke, and we celebrate her weekly wins together. She’s ditched the body protector, is back to cantering and is loving her lessons. She’s taking new challenges in her stride – other horses, a busy yard, combine harvesters – and she’s excited to ride again and already looking forward to next time.
But perhaps the biggest change has been the relationship she now has with her horse… and with herself.
There’s more trust between them. She’s learnt to trust herself again and, because of that, she’s more connected to her horse than she’s been in a long time, and their partnership is thriving.
As for the Instagram posts, they’re getting compliments from Grade 1 dressage judges, friends and fellow liveries.
One Small Change Really Can Change Everything
But the biggest changes haven’t stopped with riding.
Her colleagues have noticed a difference in her at work. Other liveries have become curious about what she’s doing because they can see the change in her. Home feels calmer, and the anxiety that used to spill into everyday life isn’t there in the same way anymore.
Life feels calmer. She has more space to think, more space to problem solve and, perhaps most importantly, she knows she’s got this.
Perhaps that’s what I love most about coaching.
Confidence doesn’t always come from trying harder or being braver. Sometimes it comes from seeing things differently.
And sometimes, one small change really does change everything.
With love Nicky x
English